she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
