Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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