Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
