I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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