even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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