I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
