i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
