I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
