i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
