i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well you can't waste a boner
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
