Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
