the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
