Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
