Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had sex on a roof
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
