He kissed a someone with a penis
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
