So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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