Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
