Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
