At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
