Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
