in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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