he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
