Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
