i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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