I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
