what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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