"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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