Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
