it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
