I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
