i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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