I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
