I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
