You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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