2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Drake has all the answers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
