I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
