dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
