Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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