i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
