I am in a vortex of obligation.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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