Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i will never coherently bang her
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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