wanna go halves on a baby?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
