Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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