Jerry, you need to find god
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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