the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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