My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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