i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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