once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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