It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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