btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
